Saturday, March 4 2006, 0:09

An unexpected monsoon, furious sunbaking, and a big dollop of culture

Ooh it's a biggie... When I last wrote (seems ages ago already), we were gearing up for the first of our big parties - Azure, an outdoor afternoon/evening party in the Botanical Gardens with the stunning views across the harbour to the Opera House and Bridge. There had been forecasts of showers, but thousands of revellers were undeterred and we laughed off the few spots of rain which were more refreshing than disappointing. The music was great, the crowd was happy - it was great! Until it started to really rain...

The heavens opened and dumped what can only be described as a torrential downpour over Sydney (Beth still calls it "flash floods"). Some of us resolutely carried on while our clothes were thoroughly soaked in the hope it would pass. It didn't. Like rats fleeing a sinking ship, the party-goers fled in droves lamenting ruined hair as John, Paul, and I sheltered under a tree in hastily handed-out plastic ponchos before finally admitting defeat and starting the long walk to the nearest taxi. We squelched all the way to the city before finding one and washed up at last like bedraggled, stormwashed jetsam at home. Not to be outdone, we wrung out our clothes, freshened up, and hit Oxford Street to salvage the rest of our night.

Since that wet weekend, we've been soaking up sunshine instead, and I now have some attractive and randomly places patches where sunscreen wasn't applied quite so rigorously that have just begun to fade to "dusky rose". We've been to Collaroy, Bondi, Coogee, Bronte, and Palm Beaches in our quest for that perfect golden colour. We spent Wednesday at Taronga Zoo, with John moving us along to see Australian beasts instead of the animals we could stroll down to London Zoo to see at any time (but only if they have drag queens on the door)...

Speaking of drag queens, we've been twice to the Imperial, the home of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert - the first time to see the famous (yet disappointing) Priscilla show, and then to see the hilarious Wizard of Oz show; we also had a more highbrow evening of Mozart's The Magic Flute at the Opera House, and we rounded off our cultural tour with a visit to the Kylie Exhibition at the Powerhouse Museum yesterday, where we adoringly drooled over the Princess of Pop's most famous outfits. I know what you're thinking... how gay are we? ;)

More importantly for me, I've got to spend loads of quality time with my pals, although not nearly as much as I'd have liked. I've also had a few meetings with various individuals about job opportunities later in the year, and it's all looking very promising!

And on that note I'll leave you, shivering in London as some of you are, in the knowledge that it's 23 degrees here, and it hopefully won't rain on today's Mardi Gras parade ;)

Photos from Sydney, March 2006

Photos from Taronga Zoo

Wednesday, March 8 2006, 13:20

Of sore feet and smiles

Mardi Gras...

There was thankfully no rain on Saturday, and we had a leisurely day relaxing at home with yet another barbecue before heading out to watch the parade near Tim and Scott's place on Flinders Street. It's the first time I've watched it properly since 2001, and it was great fun - especially seeing Bryan running screaming down the street in his Speedos with the rest of the Stingers (the water polo team), grinning from ear to ear, shortly followed by Scott and Sam gyrating on the Convicts (rugby team) float...

Only a few hours later we had stopped to freshen up back home with Brian and Darren before moving over to the party. I'm afraid that was your one and only opportunity to see me in a mesh camo green vest, so if you missed it, you missed out, sorry ;) The party was around 16,000 strong and spread as per usual across several venues; with such a large London contingent there as well as all my Sydney friends, it was impossible to get lost and have noone to dance with this year, and so John and I had a great night, finally stumbling home when the rest of Australia was thinking of getting up! We didn't give ourselves much time to recuperate and relax before moving to the official after party - Toybox at Luna Park under the Harbour Bridge. I have spent practically the whole of the last twelve months bigging up Toybox, so I had my fingers crossed that John's expectations wouldn't be too high. As it turned out, even though he preferred the music on the smaller floor, he still considers it the best party he's ever been to, and the highlight of the holiday thus far.

For my part, I can't gush enough. The venue, the production, the music, the lighting... All such mundane sounding things, but it's better described as a spectacular experience or feast of the senses. I didn't want to leave the room to use the toilet, I was having so much fun. I danced so hard my feet were sore by the end. And what an end! A glittering finale that left everyone open-mouthed and smiling. Marvellous! :)

Photos from Sydney, March 2006

Sunday, March 12 2006, 12:41

Blue Mountains and grey kangaroos

We had an early start last Tuesday when James drove me, John, Marty, and Bryan up to the Blue Mountains for a couple of days. It's a fair old drive up there, and Bryan made it go quicker for us by recounting his sordid tale from the night before ;) We stopped at Katoomba to take in the fantastic view at Echo Point with the eponymous blue haze rising over the eucalyptus before we made our way down the Giant Staircase to the valley floor. The steps were very steep and my legs were trembling by the time we got to the bottom. We were just stopping for a breather when we heard the clattering of feet behind us and suddenly a sweaty man burst from the foot of the steps, skidded to a halt, and then threw himself back up the stair in a flurry of heavy breaths. Gobsmacked, we carried along our way.

It took us maybe half an hour of walking to reach the Scenic Railway (and we were passed by the crazy running man again along the way), and nobody warned me how much the word "Scenic" in the title glosses over the true horror of this locomotive. We got into what was a lot like a rollercoaster carriage, but without the seat belts or other safety devices. A small plastic chain (that would have restrained only the most incapable passengers) lifted to bar our exit, and we ourselves lifted slowly up the cliff face; we were hauled almost vertically up the slope, and I had a very clear view of what would be the plunge to my death should our rattling vehicle lurch too suddenly during its ascent. We were all smiling when we got out at the top, but I think mine was tinged with hysteria...

After a late lunch and a drink, we dropped Bryan off to catch his train before heading out to the Kanimbla Valley, where James' friends Fraser and Michael live. We arrived in the early evening and, before dinner, Fraser drove us out across the farm - Marty in the passenger seat, and James, John, and I holding onto the back of the ute in true Aussie style, ducking the low-hanging trees. The purpose of this jaunt was to catch a glimpse of the grey eastern kangaroos that inhabit the local countryside. After we'd passed through the cows, through the gathering gloom we made out their grey shapes, perfectly camouflaged against the twilit bush; first one or two, then groups of five or six appeared to stand out, heads lifted toward us, with a flash of silver at each chest. As the noisy ute came closer, each group would turn and gracefully bound away out of sight just as we'd catch sight of another half dozen slightly to the left or right. One by one they faded out of sight, leaving us all smiles, especially the two of us poms, who'd never seen such a thing! I've seen kangaroos in the distance on buses and trains, and lying lethargically at Taronga Zoo, but I've never been up so close to these beautiful creatures in the wild. I'll always think of eastern greys as twilight kangaroos, after that magical moment. Thank you very much, Fraser :)

Photos from the Blue Mountains

Friday, March 17 2006, 13:49

What happened to Spring?

The following day saw us leaving Fraser and Michael's wonderful hospitality and driving to Jenolan Caves, a system of limestone caves discovered in the late 19th Century. We were shown around the "Lucas Cave" by a cheerful chap who thought he was a lot funnier than he really was and, after an hour and a half, his naff gags and the creeping cold made the end of what was an otherwise excellent and beautiful tour a welcome relief.

By the time James and Marty dropped us off in Sydney, we were a bit dozy, but we still had time to go and visit Beth and her many house guests, now including her poor brother, James, who managed to gash his leg with a machete on his first day on a Queensland banana plantation. We spent the rest of the evening at home with Brian and Darren - for being such marvellous hosts, we thanked them in the only way we know how: with chocolate.

Our last days in Australia passed in a flurry of getting stuff done: buying things for people at home, using our Sydney Tower tickets, etc. We had a few drinks on Thursday night to say goodbye, and on Friday John headed to the beach for one last desperate attempt to get some colour, while I went for yum cha with Ian and Tim. All too soon, we were stuffing our luggage into bags and passing through the departure gate at the airport with one final taste of an Oporto Bondi burger in my mouth and James' food poisoning anecdote ringing in my ears ;)

There was no departure gate sobbing this year, and no scene, thank goodness; but I wouldn't be me if I didn't feel a bit emotional with Australia passing away underneath me, and sure enough, John woke somewhere over Asia to find me experiencing a disproportionate reaction to a sad moment in Oliver Twist, one of the in-flight films. :( Our long flight home was via Vienna where, to our utter surprise, we managed to lose Neil since it turned out that he (but not his luggage) was booked on an evening connecting flight to London rather than our 6.30am one. Doh!

So here I am back in London again. I can honestly say it feels more like December than March; our hopes of finding Spring teasing daffodils out of the ground and decking the trees with the first bright buds of the year turned out to be utter bollocks. It's absofuckinglutely freezing! But on the bright side, I feel refreshed and cheerful after our holiday, and this time I know I'll have the funds to get back to Australia before Christmas. Even my desktop wallpaper shouts "Where the bloody hell are you?" at me in encouragement. :)

Photos from Jenolan Caves

Other photos from Sydney, March 2006

Friday, March 24 2006, 14:37

Peering into the House of Lords

Last month I helped Craig out with a redesign of the Centre for Legislative Studies website, which is run by his former tutor at Hull University. It just so happens that Philip Norton, Craig's old tutor, is also Lord Norton of Louth, and he was kind enough to invite us, and John, to dinner at the House of Lords on Tuesday by way of thanks.

Just last weekend was the first time I'd had a decent look at the Palace of Westminster (which is odd considering my attachment to old buildings), so I was thrilled to be actually going inside. I'd always thought that one day I'd get around to having a tour of the Houses of Parliament, but I never expected to be having dinner in there. Our meal was in the Barry Room (named for one of the architects), and although I didn't really expect to recognise any peers, I was surprised to spot Lord Robertson and Geoff Hoon.

Dinner was great, and afterwards Lord Norton took us on a little tour of the House. The New Palace of Westminster was built (1840-60) to replace the Old Palace that was destroyed by fire in 1834, although its oldest part, Westminster Hall (dating from 1097), is still intact. We looked down to the Sovereign's Entrance in the Victoria Tower (pictured right), and went into the Sovereign's Robing Room, where the Queen gets wrapped up in her State Robes for the opening of Parliament; the room is lavishly decorated and painted with scenes from the legends of King Arthur. We passed through to the Royal Gallery which is also impressively lavish; it has two massive paintings that stretch the length of the room - one a scene from Trafalgar, the other from Waterloo. We walked through the Prince's Chamber (hung with portraits of Tudors) and the Central Lobby and finally into the Chamber of the House of Lords. It was magnificent! Gorgeously gilded with deep red and gold, and beautifully intricate with carvings and painted coats of arms. It was a fair bit smaller than I expected, but no less majestic. I was impressed.

I could probably spend a great deal of time wandering around all of the rooms we'd been in, and maybe one day I will, but for now I'm just happy to have finally seen Parliament from the inside :)

Monday, March 27 2006, 15:58

Constitutional right or wrong?

Charles Martin: I've been being harassed by him and his parents for five years. Today just blew it up. Kid's just been giving me a bunch of shit, making the other kids harass me and my place, tearing things up.
911 Operator: OK, so what'd you do?
Charles Martin: I shot him with a goddamn 410 shotgun twice.

The Guardian had an article last week covering this 66 year old chap defending the territorial integrity of his (scabby-looking) lawn from his 15 year old neighbour. Not content with merely wounding him, Mr Martin walked up to Larry and shot him dead at close range.

Sadly, Larry's fate isn't that unusual in the States. Three children under 19 will be shot in America today; but not just wounded: shot dead... that's 1000 every year; another 800 use guns to commit suicide. What's really staggering is that 30,136 people were shot dead in 2003 in the States. Thirty thousand! Can you imagine opening the paper one morning and reading that everybody in Penzance got shot this year? Or three fifths of Hereford, my home town?

Of course, when you understand that 41% of American homes have a gun compared to 4% here (and even that surprised me), you can see how someone flipping their lid in the States is a more serious affair than on this side of the pond. If Larry had seen Mr Martin coming with a knife, he might have run away. Even if he hadn't seen him, Mr Martin might have had second thoughts if he felt the crunch of Larry's bones beneath a baseball bat, and Larry might be recovering in hospital right now.

The problem with guns is that they make killing someone as easy as flicking a switch: you're completely divorced from the reality of your actions, and it's over so quickly. But we all saw how long it took James Caan to kill Kathy Bates in Misery without a gun... Guns are an attractive option for suicide too (if you're not thinking about the poor sod who discovers you or has to clean up after you), it's over before you can think about it. Nevertheless, carrying a gun to defend yourself is a fundamental right of every American, and it's a right that's defended aggressively.

I'm hopefully off to New York next month, so fingers crossed I don't end up as some pathetic statistic.

Tuesday, March 28 2006, 14:33

Famous person alert!

Ever since I started working at the BBC, I've had people ask me if I've seen anyone famous. Apart from the time when my colleagues and I saw Judith Chalmers (or was it Gloria Hunniford?) in a bar in Soho - which doesn't really count - I've had to say no. But not anymore! I was walking down to Subway past Television Centre just now and I saw Peter Snow!! Woohoo! Ok, so if you don't watch the BBC's election coverage, you may not be aware of Peter Snow and his Swingometer, but trust me - he's an institution.

In other news, you can now watch Paul in his fantastic performance on The Weakest Link. I suppose he counts as a semi-celebrity now, so that follows neatly on from Peter... You can download the video from Nick's blog: here it is (267Mb - an hour and a half on a 512k broadband connection). You will need QuickTime to watch it.

And finally... I've put up some of my photos from our holiday in Australia; there are still more to come, but I'll let you know when.

Sydney, March 2006 The Blue Mountains