Monday, October 4 2004, 23:28

Ukrainians tuck into pig fat at nationwide lard festival

This is too funny! Please read: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/3713028.stm.

But anyway...
My pal Brendan is here this week and it's been great to see him. However, he did wear me out over the weekend. An afternoon of shopping, and then a night introducing him to a small portion of London's nightlife. I'm exhausted! Didn't stop yawning all day... I've clearly overdone it: I have a spot! Hopefully this uncharacteristic epidermal blemish will disappear before the weekend...

Today dawned wet and dreary. So much so that I emailed a pic of gloomy Crossharbour to a few folks who are enjoying a sunny public holiday in Sydney, lucky bastards. The following line from Agatha Christie's The Man in the Brown Suit had extra resonance:
"It is incredible to me that anyone who can get away from England in winter does not do so! It is an abominable climate!"

Quite right too! Not that it's winter. And actually, it was nice and sunny by mid-afternoon. There I go, talking about the weather again. Is anyone still reading? Or did you go off to read about the 9m square Ukraininan lard sandwich?

Tuesday, October 19 2004, 9:41

Thailand: a beginning.

My Thai adventure started with a bit of drama... Paul waved me off from Victoria station, both of us all smiles as I boarded the fast train to Brighton that didn't stop at Gatwick. Ha ha.
Luckily I discovered this at East Croydon, and managed to rectify my mistake, arrivea at Gatwick, check in, buy Al's assorted gifts, and get some money.

More than a few people thought that Phuket Air sounded a bit funnier as Fuck-it, but the juke is appropriate. Before we started moving, the lights flickered on and off for a few minutes and the overhead lockers rattled vigorously on take off...

The flight passed quickly ("Oh true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick!") and then I got ripped off on arrival. 700 baht to get to the bus terminal, where I paid 210 baht for a seven hour bus trip to Chumphon. Again, the first two hours passed quickly, but the remainder was an exercise in mind over bladder.

Finally I arrived and met Al. There was no big scene. It was almost like I'd seen him earlier in the day.
Some friends are like old slippers, easy to slip back in with, comfortable and familiar. If Al's like old slippers, they make me wonder how I got on so long without them! It is so good to see him again :)

Tuesday, October 19 2004, 9:49

Real Red Bull makes you notice details

So here I am in Thailand.

Just necked an original Red Bull (when I jotted this down in my book), so I'm looking forward to that kicking in :)

I'm sitting on the beach while the waves lap against my feet as I write this. The sea is gorgeous. That lapis lazuli colour you see in films. The strand of beach is an assortment of marine detritus: twigs, stones, coral, shells, navigated in errant fashion by a host or determined ants.

But I digress;
we rode Al's motorbike up to his place on the hillside, my wheelie luggage under his chin, our rucksacks and my fins slung over my back, which was rigid with fear.

Ok, there was a slight frisson of exhilaration as Al smoothly manoeuvred around the many potholes, and it was comforting/comfortable to have my arms around him with my face pressed into his neck :)

And now Al's at work, and I'm going to check out the water!

Friday, October 22 2004, 10:09

Another gorgeous prison island

Koh Tao: a lush tropical gem in the Gulf of Thailand, home to numerous stray dogs that frolic and fornicate on the sand; an army of relentless biting insects; a small population of Thais who, if there were British style driving regulations on the island, would be incarcerated to the last child for their many and frequent motoring infractions, restoring Koh Tao's relatively recent prison colony atmosphere. It's hard to imagine someone official landing on Koh Tao and thinking, "Yes, this is the perfect place to punish our criminals!" Unless they weren't allowed clothes, shade, and insect repellent...

This is the first time I've been on holiday to a place where I'm linguistically incapacitated (not that I've made any effort!). The Thai alphabet is beautiful yet frustrating; it's unnerving not knowing what anything means. Luckily, the locals are used to the linguistically challenged British and Americans, so you see helpul English like, "food worth eating", and "chicken gordon blue" for the benefit of us Roman character cripples.

Speaking of food, I've never eaten so much pork. I've taken Al's "bird flu = avoid chicken" warning to heart, and I've been stuffing down variations of beef and pork, including yesterday's hottest meal ever which set my mouth on fire; they say a curry burns twice, but I think I've escaped exit burns so far...

Saturday, October 23 2004, 18:07

Thailand: an ending

I spent Friday shopping at the other end of Koh Tao, Mae Haad. I started with a long-anticipated massage - it was great! I picked lemongrass oil for my flavour, and had this lovely smell rubbed in almost everywhere. A little self-conscious that my decency wasn't comprehensively ensured at first, but I soon loosened up. So much so, I was laden with "quality purchases" by the time I returned to Al's.

My last night was spent celebrating Al's pal's birthday, and I definitely overdid it. None of the famous buckets of Sang Som and Red Bull though, just shorts mixed by a shameless Northern Irish girl called Diane. Felt like shit this morning when I had to say my goodbyes to Al :( One week in nearly two years is not a lot of quality time, and the poor boy's been busy too.

It's been a long day actually - lots of travelling; and I've been treated to some crap films too: The Rock from Koh Tao to Chumphon, then The Day After Tomorrow and Reign of Fire on the seven hour coach journey to Bangkok. Luckily we had a break to stop and wander round some odd market selling all sorts of bizarre-looking foods. Most of my fellow passengers were unimpressed by the exotic eastern fare and went for the safe option of crisps. Myself included - I'm such a fake cosmopolitan. To be fair, my poor tum's had enough of yummy Thai food, and I tucked into pizza and chips as soon as I got to the airport. Since then, I've been trying to while away the hours until my flight; options are: looking out for ladyboys, not scratching my mozzie bites, running to the toilet, and removing stowaway Koh Tao ants from my hand luggage...

Sigh. Can't believe my week in the sun is over already. On the bright side, I'm hoping my skin will soon recover from groundwater, sunscreen, insects, insect repellent, and tropical sun. :)

Tuesday, October 26 2004, 8:07

And the award for best in-flight service goes to...

Diazepam.
This flight can only be called "serene". I think I must have been asleep for ten of the fifteen hours, which mercifully spared me enduring the inevitable screaming of small children and seeing the incomparable Tobey Maguire reduced to so many shades of blue in the decrepit goldfish bowl of a screen above my head. I have no idea what the rest of the in-flight entertainment was like. The food was pretty good, although trying to get into Phuket Air's little sachet of jam was about as tricky as tracking down a good Nicholas Cage film.

Karma obviously got me in the end though - I touched down to find the (LAZY) baggage handlers at Gatwick on strike, the Gatwick Express running late (yes, I got on the right train this time), and my Tube route home in disarray. It took me three hours to get home.

And even then I found more ants in my luggage.

After one day back at work, Thailand seems so distant already. On the freeway to the airport, I remember seeing about ten kids in the back of a ute (I haven't forgotten you, Australia!) zipping along, no seatbelts, no seats! shock horror! Such a thing would never be allowed in the safe old UK. All those Thai people smiling at you, singing their incomprehensible language at you, either in gentle welcoming tones or insistent shrieks... The chaos of it all - small families clinging to single mopeds, my high-speed catamaran pulling alongside a rickety pier made of logs, dvd players sold out of the back of a wagon... such a crazy mix of old and new.

But the thing I found most bizarre about Thailand was the awesome respect the Thais have for their royal family. In restaurants, you'd see a little shrine on the wall with tacky electric candles, and ribbons festooning a worn photo of the King; on the freeways, in ornate 5m high frames, huge photos of the Queen smiling benevolently on the motorists from the central reservation; and apparently, you don't want to even think about stepping on money if anyone can see you.

They could probably teach QE2 and co. a few things...

Tuesday, November 2 2004, 21:52

No tricks, just treats

Now I'm not one to celebrate Hallowe'en with dressing up or all of that nonsense, but any excuse for a party suits me fine. So it was that Pete, Chris, and I spent Saturday afternoon frantically stringing up fake cobwebs across the ceiling and preparing twice as many yummy nibbly things as our guests could possibly force down smiling.

As usual the invitation time came and went and, an hour later, our impunctual friends began to arrive. I had asked everyone to bring a pumpkin jack o'lantern, and (surprisingly) some people did - although it seems that laying your hands on a pumpkin the day before Hallowe'en is no easy thing, and so it was that a butternut squash and an orange joined our pumpkin parade.

The time flew by (as time is wont to do) and, before we knew it, British Summer Time was a thing of the past. In a last ditch attempt to savour the summer, some daring few of us decamped in cabs to Vauxhall to dance the wee hours away and forget the imminent working week in a fashion reminiscent of... every other night out in London :) Not everyone has the stamina to go the distance though, and it was only John, Beth, and I who staggered out of Beyond many hours later, trash that we are.

And here we are back in the week again, an hour richer maybe, but sadly lacking in daylight. Boohoo.