Thursday, February 25 2010, 18:10

I will always... (gargle... deep breath...) love youuuuuu

The papers yesterday reported, "Houston, we have a problem". Whitney's first Australian concert in Brisbane on Monday got pretty shocking reviews, so I didn't really know what to expect when we took our seats at the Acer Arena last night. The warm-up act was Anthony Callea, the gay munchkin from Australian Idol; we tried to miss him completely, but still managed to hear him belt out 'Alone' by eighties girl rockers, Heart - and I must confess I did feel a little warmed up by that ;)

In true diva style, Whitney kept us waiting for a while after Callea left the stage, but when she finally appeared, the arena came to life, everyone leapt to their feet, and Whitney belted out two numbers from her new album (which I haven't actually listened to yet, but I will now). I say 'belted', but it turns out she may have lip-synched them...

After that, it all went a bit downhill. Early on we could hear her voice was a bit crackly, and as the concert progressed the effort began to tell. She had to cough away from the microphone frequently, and repair to the back of the stage to have a drink. Breathless at times, visibly tired, she soldiered on and the crowd loved her for it.

Later, a video montage played on the big screens, sharing her greatest moments while 'One Moment in Time' was played over the top and Whitney got a breather off stage. As John pointed out, this wasn't the most favourable comparison, since we were all reminded of how powerful and beautiful her voice was. Formerly honey and gold, now it's more smoky and gravel, and on a one-way ticket to Eartha Kitt-ville.

Her older songs with their soaring vocals were now out of reach, and her backing singers belted out the melodies while Whitney punched out some powerful notes over the top, showing us she's still got an awesome strength to her voice even though it seems she can't reliably hold a note.

The audience were amazingly supportive, screaming, "I love you, Whitney", and bellowing their encouragement when the notes faltered. I was almost dreading "I will always love you", but she mustered a breathy version for us, skipping a verse to get to the end quicker (probably knackered by this point), and stopped for an incredible amount of time before attempting the climax. After what seemed like an enormous vocal equivalent of a run-up, she got it out, although the crooning 'ooooooooooooo' at the end was less successful (watch on youtube).

'Million dollar bill' was the start of the encore, and I saw immediately that this new song fits her now-reduced vocal talents perfectly. Having said that, halfway through she gave up the vocals to her backing singers and partied on through the rest of the track with her dancers!

So I'm not sure what to make of it... On the one hand, I've got enormous respect for her getting her life together and going on tour after the rocky road her life has been over the last decade; I was really gunning for her during the concert, willing her to hit all those tough notes, sad for her when she didn't make it, and also slightly uncomfortable and embarrassed for her. On the other hand, I don't understand why an international superstar like Whitney would tarnish her own brand by revealing just how far she has fallen; I also prefer to come out of a concert feeling elated and wowed, not feeling sorry for the artist I've paid $250 to see.

Anyway, I can't believe I've spent an entire blog analysing a Whitney Houston concert. I am so gay right now! But it's going to get worse before it gets better. I'm going to see George Michael tomorrow and Lady Gaga in a few weeks...

Saturday, February 27 2010, 16:26

If you're gonna do it, do it right

After the mild disappointment of Whitney on Wednesday, I was inexplicably seized by a desire to redeem my 80s icons by getting some last minute tickets for George Michael, currently performing in his 25Live Tour. I didn't try that hard actually, but serendipity came calling: Johnny called me on Thursday to offer John and me some freebie tickets! I LOVE free tickets!

We were a bit late taking our seats, and while John was queuing for drinks at the bar, I peeked over the rim of the seats and looked down into the massive arena which was packed with fans, all staring expectantly at the enormous stage at the far end. As the lights went down and the screens lit up, as the first notes of 'Fast Love' started to beat out of the gigongous speakers, the crowd leapt to their feet and started screaming. It was fabulous!

George played "I'm your man", "Father Figure", "Freedom", "Outside", "Faith" (watch our youtube video), "Careless Whisper", "Spinning That Wheel", "You Have Been Loved", "Amazing", "Too Funky" (watch our youtube video), "Flawless", and loads more. He was continually running back and forth across the front of the stage and yelling out to the lucky guys at the front, and pointing the mike out to us for the crowd to sing along - which they did, constantly. Which coincidentally and irrefutably proves to me that there is a significant portion of my long term memory reserved for the indelible preservation of 80s and 90s song lyrics.

George and Whitney are both 47 this year, and both have thickened about the waist a little. But whereas Whitney was unflatteringly attired in a tight number that revealed a significant roll (nay - a loaf) of flab, George's wardrobe team had him looking smart. Where Whitney was breathless after four songs, George was animated and running back and forth across the length of the stage, belting out old songs and new, and has actually been doing this tour on and off since 2006.

Another point of difference was the massive triptych of video screens hanging behind the stage, blazing a constant stream of bedazzling graphics to complement the music, whether it was Naomi Campbell and Christy Turlington in the "Flawless" video, piles of shiny diamonds flying out of the screen, spiralling DNA-style double rainbow helixes, or a cheeky burlesque dancer wearing nothing but a decolletage of sparkly stones, a fan of ostrich feathers, and a dirty smirk. Poor Whitney only had one tolerable screen on her little stage, which wasn't on all the time, and even played the same video twice!

The crowd went predictably wild for "Outside", as George donned a police shirt and badge, and a giant helicopter zoomed over the disco city on the screens behind. George makes no apologies for his indiscretions and took a moment after getting the homos in the audience to give him a wave to warn us that the police in NSW aren't like European police - not sure if he meant we should steer clear of alfresco nookie...?

For the first encore, George and I sang an intimate duet of "Careless Whisper", along with the other 40,000 people in the stadium. It was a touching moment. For the second, he finished with a crowd-pleaser: "Freedom". As I left the arena this time, I felt like I'd seen a superstar.

And today we give George a bit of his own music back to him. I'm not sure how flattered he'll be to see 160 of us doing this amazingly camp dance routine to a megamix of his greatest hits in silky blue boxers meets LAPD cop outfits, but we'll just have to see. Tonight is night we've been practising for, the Mardi Gras parade... Here's a sneak preview on youtube.

Sunday, February 28 2010, 23:10

I think I'm done with the sofa, I think I'm done with the hall...

It's been almost a week since the adrenalathon that was the Mardi Gras Parade. This year was my second time taking part, and if I thought my outfit last year was ridiculously camp (tiny shorts plus sash), this year's was slightly less so: tinier shorts (is it possible?) accessorised with boots, truncheon, handcuffs, aviator sunnies, and an LAPD baseball cap. If you hadn't guessed it, we were in the 'Outside' group in the George Michael float. This year I was joined by Chris and Mikey (fellow veterans from last year), John, Chris, Dan, Mike, Eric & David, Rob & Jason, Paul, and Jav. This year it was a gloriously hot, blue-skied sunny day. Perfect for Kodak moments ;)

The hours spent cooped up in the staging area began with an HOUR queuing to use the toilet. Yes, five cubicles for the use of hundreds of people. The highlight of this otherwise dull episode in my life occurred when a pair of American guys busted two cheeky girls blatantly edging past them in the toilet crowd; the ensuing verbal abuse was strident and actually effective. I thought the girls had weathered it, but they suddenly broke and ran - no idea if they managed to spend a penny before the parade started or not! John and I wandered around the staging area after that, lighter by at least a litre of wee, snapping the weird and wonderful who make up the colourful party people of the night's spectacle.

Returning to our float, we found everyone dancing to our George mix on loop. I was pretty sure I was going to be sleep-dancing that choreography without practising it for one second longer than absolutely necessary, and with forty-five minutes of it on the horizon, it definitely seemed unnecessary. And sure enough, those forty-five minutes suddenly began, the float started moving, and we danced up the street to the thousands lining Oxford Street.

It's impossible to describe just how exhilarating being in that parade is. "Exciting" doesn't even get close. It's a prolonged moment of wild thrilling celebrity grinning headrush fatigue anxious elated thirsty ordered paparazzi panic. All of those things on repeat, with occasional recurring notions of "fuck, we're not in a line!", "fuck, we're too far forward/behind", "gasp, I'm so thirsty, where's the water?", "ew, my head is running with sweat", "fuck, I screwed that bit up", "fuck, stop singing or the photos will have my mouth in some stupid shape", etc., etc. And then, "Are we nearly there yet?", and finally, the big lighted sign saying, "End of parade", that releases the pressure like so much air out of a radiator and your feet at length acquaint you with their displeasure at your callous disregard for their ongoing comfort. Ouch. Exhaustion. Ouch. But smiles everywhere.

Last year we'd decided against going to the party because I correctly guessed I'd be way too tired. This year, Mardi Gras have put the famous party on the following weekend instead of directly after the party. In its place they had Carnival, a new event with free entry for MG members and paraders. The cheapskate in me was irrepressible. Free!? We're going! Overriding footsoreweariness and nervous exhaustion, we dragged our satiny-clad arses home for a sit down and a spritzer. Flicking through Foxtel channels for some video reportage, I found Arena+2 playing the entire parade and we sat with rising expectation, waiting for our big moment on tv. Well, if you were reading my tweet/FB updates on the day, you'll know that the camera passed over our entire group several times but cut elsewhere as soon as it got anywhere near myself, John, Chris, or Mikey. There goes another fleeting brush with fame. It's alright for award-winning John, he's had his moment on the international stage. The rest of us will have to make do with the occasional undignified notoriety of surfacing in fagmag clubbing snaps.

And so the second half of the night began, with a taxi back to the Entertainment Quarter for Carnival. And on Saturday the closing half of Mardi Gras begins, with the enormously famous Mardi Gras Party, headlined by George himself, and Toybox on Sunday. See you on the other side!

So many photos and videos from the parade. Here are a few: my photos, our official float photos (including mine), a commercial album (pre-parade group pics here and mid-parade pics here), another facebook album, and some great youtube videos here and here. Wow. Loads of pics!