Thursday, July 10 2008, 23:44

The birthday fiesta is over

The birthday festival is officially over. I've been accused of dragging out this 30th birthday thing for way too long; I think that's slightly unfair - ok, one holiday, two birthday dinners, two cakes, a party, several nights out in Bangkok and one afternoon in Sydney... that's not overdoing it, surely? Thank you everyone for gifts, cards, greetings of every sort. Among my birthday haul this year, I have a new nabaztag rabbit called Toadflax (in case anyone else's rabbit wants to say hi), a fab and slightly geeky Star Wars pic to hang on the wall, and some books that I am finding very difficult to put down at the moment. To add the pile of shiny new things, I took myself out on a shopping spree this weekend and gave myself some considerable retail therapy to cope with the trauma of turning thirty.

Speaking of clothes, I realised this weekend that I am completely out of touch with what today's yoof consider fashionable. It looked like Rainbow Brite had vomited all over the trainers in the trendy bootiques - naturally I eschewed those shoes in favour of less funky footwear. Similarly, I strode through the young menswear department of Myer on Sunday, each glance to left or right producing a cringe or even a gag as my eyes were repeatedly violated by violent fluoro horrors, raped by striped monstrosities. If this is what getting old means, I'm all for it.

Thursday, July 24 2008, 16:30

The blues

Once again I dare the catcalls of "not another blog about getting old!" with my thoughts today. I think I read somewhere once that young people are idealistic and socialist, and as they get older they get more conservative. What does this mean? What does conservatism mean to me? An unwillingness to move forwards with the times, a dogged determination to maintain the status quo - we fear change! Selfishness, a kind of every man for himself, I'm only in it for what I can get attitude. Somewhere along the line that gets mixed up with the "they come here and take our jobs", "hanging's too good for them!", and "not in my backyard" crew - not forgetting my personal favourite: "it's political correctness GONE MAD!" None of these are very attractive points of view.

So imagine my inner shock and turmoil every time I read something on BBC that Call Me Dave (Cameron) says and find myself slightly agreeing with it (John on the other hand wouldn't bat an eyelid - he thinks I'm a closet fascist anyway). This happened again today, when I read a bit of news about obesity in the UK.

"We talk about people being at risk of obesity instead of talking about people who eat too much and take too little exercise," Mr Cameron said.
"We talk about people being at risk of poverty, or social exclusion: it's as if these things - obesity, alcohol, drug addiction - are purely external events like a plague or bad weather."

I shudder to think that I agree. Food isn't to blame for obesity - we don't all passively sit there and eat whatever's put in front of us, someone has to go out and choose shit food and cook it (or heat it up in a microwave). You hear people complaining that the government should do more to educate people about health and healthy eating. What? Why? Can't people bloody get off their backsides and do it themselves?! Why do people constantly want everything done for them, and then complain about Labour turning the UK into a nanny state? People in this country (er... I mean that country of course) need to take responsibility for their own lives. Isn't that what being an adult is all about?

Anyway. I'm starting to sound like a Grumpy Old Man. Old before my time. Luckily though, nothing could convince me to vote for Dave's bunch. As much as I sometimes agree with Big Dave himself, as long as his side includes such notorious stars as Margaret 'reinvade the Falklands to win an election' Thatcher, Michael "something of the night" Howard, evil Norman Tebbit, career spinster Ann Widdecombe, Baroness Young (who fought so long and futilely to keep Section 28 - and then died), the vastly entertaining clown, Boris "flag-waving picaninnies" Johnson, arch Eurosceptic Iain Duncan Smith, miming John Redwood, and so, so, so many more, I'll have to remember Aneurin Bevan's words from 1945:

That is why no amount of cajolery, and no attempts at ethical or social seduction, can eradicate from my heart a deep burning hatred for the Tory Party [...] So far as I am concerned they are lower than vermin [...] If you are selling shoddy stuff you have to be a good salesman. But I warn you they have not changed, or if they have they are slightly worse than they were.